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Dispatches From Orbit  Get Feed for Dispatches From Orbit

U-Haul trucks on fire in Eugene.

Dispatch: Fireworks In Eugene, U-Haul Truck Fire, You Can’t Make This Sh*T Up

OrbitApril 8, 20202020-08-08T11:50:26-07:00
A guy in Eugene threw some lighted fireworks at a woman he was having a dispute with (more…)
Shooting at tannerite packed lawn mower.

Dispatch: It Ain’t A Party Till Somebody’s Leg Gets Blown Off

Orbit April 1, 2020 Comments Off on Dispatch: It Ain’t A Party Till Somebody’s Leg Gets Blown Off2020-04-13T07:35:11-07:00
A Georgia man and his pals packed a lawn mower full of an explosive called tannerite. It's impossible to know (more…)
Man shoots fridge full of tannerite.

Dispatch: Gender Reveal Party Reveals Low Collective I.Q. Of Participants

Orbit March 31, 2020 Comments Off on Dispatch: Gender Reveal Party Reveals Low Collective I.Q. Of Participants2020-04-06T08:07:33-07:00
A cadre of morons in Brevard County Florida managed to ignite a 10 acre brush fire with explosives (more…)
Weest Side Detroit memorial bottle collection.

Dispatch: Feeble Detroit Memorial Escalated To Protest By Media Hacks

Orbit March 16, 2020 Comments Off on Dispatch: Feeble Detroit Memorial Escalated To Protest By Media Hacks2020-04-20T08:33:56-07:00
It's a mystery to me why someone at the Detroit News decided to run a report about an impromptu memorial (more…)
Teaching Assistant Hired Some Muscle

Dispatch: Teaching Assistant Goes Gansta Upstate. It’s Going Down…

Orbit March 9, 2020 Comments Off on Dispatch: Teaching Assistant Goes Gansta Upstate. It’s Going Down…2020-03-13T09:51:57-07:00
Corporal punishment used to be an integral part of the educational process. (more…)
Dispatch: You Gotta Pick Your Mom Up From The Hospital At 2:00 PM

Dispatch: You Gotta Pick Your Mom Up From The Hospital At 2:00 PM

Orbit March 5, 2020 Comments Off on Dispatch: You Gotta Pick Your Mom Up From The Hospital At 2:00 PM2020-04-22T10:14:13-07:00
The headline is obvious click-bait: “Giant inflatable colon on display, today only, (more…)
Handicapped guy banished from Walmart.

Dispatch: Man Banned From Walmart For Fake Handicap Tag Or Something

Orbit February 27, 2020 Comments Off on Dispatch: Man Banned From Walmart For Fake Handicap Tag Or Something2020-04-03T17:24:20-07:00
You see what happens, Larry, when journalists are not expected to read, think critically, or have any curiosity (more…)
ohio woman pleads insanity

Dispatch: Woman Accused Of Abusing 911 Pleads Insanity

Orbit February 22, 2020 Comments Off on Dispatch: Woman Accused Of Abusing 911 Pleads Insanity2020-03-07T09:35:07-08:00
Things seem to be getting a little out of hand in Washington Township, Ohio. (more…)
Cars Shot Up In Albuquerque

Dispatch: “I Was Pretty Angry,” Said The Owner Of One Of The Bullet Riddled Cars

Orbit November 8, 2019 Comments Off on Dispatch: “I Was Pretty Angry,” Said The Owner Of One Of The Bullet Riddled Cars2020-03-07T09:46:53-08:00
Somebody shot up a couple cars in Albuquerque in a neighborhood behind a Home Depot. (more…)
Heroin Mom OD

Dispatch: Mom On Heroin Passes Out On I-4 With Kids In Car

Orbit November 2, 2019 Comments Off on Dispatch: Mom On Heroin Passes Out On I-4 With Kids In Car2020-03-15T14:22:10-07:00
A Deltona Florida resident herded her family into a minivan and took off for South Carolina. (more…)

News & Opinion  Get Feed for News & Opinion

Infant abandoned on doorstep.

DNA Analysis Shows Series Of Abandoned Infants Related To Each Other

OrbitApril 17, 20202020-08-08T14:35:17-07:00
How would you like to find a buried treasure in your back yard? You would, wouldn't you? (more…)
CA pandemic goals include socially distanced schoolyards.

California To Reconstruct All Schools And Child Care Facilities Into Prison-Like Cells

Orbit April 15, 2020 Comments Off on California To Reconstruct All Schools And Child Care Facilities Into Prison-Like Cells2020-08-08T14:45:26-07:00
We think the Governor of California has an extra dashing haircut. He's got great suits. (more…)
Doctor who shoved and choked teens, points at them.

Was Teen-Choking Kentucky Doctor Part Of Violent Feuding Cult?

Orbit April 9, 2020 Comments Off on Was Teen-Choking Kentucky Doctor Part Of Violent Feuding Cult?2020-08-08T14:49:57-07:00
There's a terrific but confused story out of Kentucky today about a doctor went all swaggering badass on some teenage girls (more…)
Purina

Egg Salad News: Purina’s Mind-Numbing Response To Our Letter

Orbit March 24, 2020 Comments Off on Egg Salad News: Purina’s Mind-Numbing Response To Our Letter2020-03-26T13:05:54-07:00
Yeah, okay, from egg salad to dog food might seem like a stretch, but it's food, dammit. (more…)
Muncie man has self_control problems and machete.

Muncie Man Having Trouble Getting Along With Others, Machete Involved

Orbit March 21, 2020 Comments Off on Muncie Man Having Trouble Getting Along With Others, Machete Involved2020-07-23T23:05:45-07:00
Alright, on the surface you'd think this was a pretty simple thing and if that's what you think, you're wrong. (more…)
Accused of blowing up flats.

Man Making Cannabis Oil Blows Up Apartment Building, Hilarity Ensues

Orbit March 11, 2020 Comments Off on Man Making Cannabis Oil Blows Up Apartment Building, Hilarity Ensues2020-03-28T18:38:06-07:00
Everything seemed to be going just fine and then the shit hit the fan. (more…)
Christian Activist wants to sue Super Bowl

Christian Activist Wants To Sue Super Bowl For $867 Trillion. Because Why Not?

Orbit March 3, 2020 Comments Off on Christian Activist Wants To Sue Super Bowl For $867 Trillion. Because Why Not?2020-04-22T12:05:52-07:00
This is from an RT online report. RT is Russia Today, I think, without lifting a finger to verify that claim. (more…)
Al_Tuna Altoona Curve mascot

Man Wielding Table Leg Might Be Hot Prospect For The Altoona Curve

Orbit February 14, 2020 Comments Off on Man Wielding Table Leg Might Be Hot Prospect For The Altoona Curve2020-04-22T08:56:52-07:00
I was reading a story in the Altoona Mirror online about a guy beating another guy with a table leg. (more…)
Investment disaster results in rolling shit-fit

DIY Investment Disaster Results In Rolling Sh*t Fit

Orbit January 28, 2020 Comments Off on DIY Investment Disaster Results In Rolling Sh*t Fit2020-03-05T16:04:51-08:00
Here's a fucking genius for you. Guy read a book titled “The Intelligent Investor.” (more…)
Purina

Egg Salad News: How To Make Flat Earth Coffee

Orbit November 15, 2019 Comments Off on Egg Salad News: How To Make Flat Earth Coffee2020-03-28T18:32:05-07:00
As you know, the Egg Salad News is not just about egg salad. Nooo. (more…)

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Recent Posts

  • DNA Analysis Shows Series Of Abandoned Infants Related To Each Other
  • California To Reconstruct All Schools And Child Care Facilities Into Prison-Like Cells
  • Was Teen-Choking Kentucky Doctor Part Of Violent Feuding Cult?
  • Dispatch: Fireworks In Eugene, U-Haul Truck Fire, You Can’t Make This Sh*T Up
  • Dispatch: It Ain’t A Party Till Somebody’s Leg Gets Blown Off
  • Dispatch: Gender Reveal Party Reveals Low Collective I.Q. Of Participants
  • Egg Salad News: Purina’s Mind-Numbing Response To Our Letter
  • Muncie Man Having Trouble Getting Along With Others, Machete Involved
  • Dispatch: Feeble Detroit Memorial Escalated To Protest By Media Hacks
  • Man Making Cannabis Oil Blows Up Apartment Building, Hilarity Ensues
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