Dispatch: Top Expert Says Eating Your Pets Might Not Be A Bad Thing
Awhile back some woozy attention-starved celebrity said you’re going to have to eat your pets. Because of climate change or something. (more…)
Dispatch: Committee Of Frightened Hacks Chooses New Name For Cleveland Indians
Some sports team names are politically incorrect, if you haven’t noticed. So the Cleveland Indians baseball team has been under pressure (more…)
Dispatch: Swarms Of Voracious Flying Insects To Attack Stupid Wembley Stadium Sports Event
The UK Guardian is warning the public a giant swarm of voracious flying insects will attack the EURO 2020 event (more…)
Dispatch: Hate Crime Charge For Hateful NYC Hotel Hater Misses The Point
The granddaughter of Alfred E. Neuman thought a black kid stole her phone in a NYC hotel lobby. (more…)
Dispatch: NCAA Uses Magic Thinking To Prove New Rules Don’t Constitute Play-For-Pay
Okay, maybe Magic Thinking isn’t the right term for it. It’s more like Amnesic Rationalization, a term we just made up. (more…)
HATEMAIL: The Lying Weasels At Microsoft Are About To Screw Up Your World. Again.
We try to avoid going fully profane in headlines so we softened what we wanted to say. What we really wanted to say was (more…)
Dispatch: Yeah, Well We Don’t Need Mullets In The United States, Either
On May 20 of This Year Of Our Insanity, 2021, The Sun published a piece called "BLAST FROM THE PAST (more…)
Dispatch: Anti-Gang Task Force Finds Most BADASS Compact Murder System Ever Devised
Maricopa County Arizona, where a struggle of biblical proportions between GOOD and EVIL continues on a daily basis. (more…)
Dispatch: Mother of the Year Candidate Escapes Child Endangerment Charges At Taco Bell
Now you might find this fascinating, especially if you're already in a trance state, some dizzy broad in Schenectady (more…)
Dispatch: Dog Hunting Season Opens 6:00 AM Wednesday In Your Screwed Up State
Dog hunting season starts next Wednesday wherever the fuck you live, you assholes with the guns (more…)