Dispatch: Anti-Gang Task Force Finds Most BADASS Compact Murder System Ever Devised
Maricopa County Arizona, where a struggle of biblical proportions between GOOD and EVIL continues on a daily basis. (more…)
Mother of the Year Candidate Escapes Child Endangerment Charges At Taco Bell
Now you might find this fascinating, especially if you're already in a trance state, some dizzy broad in Schenectady (more…)
Dispatch: Dog Hunting Season Opens 6:00 AM Wednesday In Your Screwed Up State
Dog hunting season starts next Wednesday wherever the fuck you live, you assholes with the guns (more…)
Dispatch: Bland Man Commits Bland Crime In Bland Place With Bland Weapon
You know, in the hell hole of journalism, there is the saying: "The picture is the story." (more…)
Dispatch: Breaking News Bombshell, Secret Identity Of Q-Anon Finally Revealed
Hope you didn’t expect the big reveal to be in the lede, you’re going to have to click through to find out who he is. We promise, it’s in the…
Dispatch: Mainstream News Targeting 2 to 4 Year Old Demographic With “Serial Pooper” Story
Yeah yeah, your mainstream (as in running sore) media is referring to the guy as a “serial pooper." (more…)
Dispatch: Imbeciles In Maine Brutally Attack Car With Out Of State Plates
These days you gotta find your fun where you can. A couple of imbeciles in Maine saw a car with Vermont plates (more…)
Dispatch: Huge Breakthrough For Women–Entertainment Company Hires Female GM
Everyone can agree, the one industry that has shut women out of the executive ranks is the entertainment industry. (more…)
Dispatch: Trainwreck Watching Is Becoming The Newest And Hottest Spectator Sport
Can there be anything more exciting than watching somebody try to beat a train to the tracks? No. In person there could not be (more…)
Dispatch: Local Mail Carrier Hailed As Hero By Area Residents In PA Town
It’s no shocker to us up here in Orbit, but they caught another mail carrier throwing away mail. The Feds raided the guy’s house (more…)