Dispatch: Bland Man Commits Bland Crime In Bland Place With Bland Weapon
You know, in the hell hole of journalism, there is the saying: "The picture is the story." (more…)
Dispatch: Breaking News Bombshell, Secret Identity Of Q-Anon Finally Revealed
Hope you didn’t expect the big reveal to be in the lede, you’re going to have to click through to find out who he is. We promise, it’s in the…
Dispatch: Mainstream News Targeting 2 to 4 Year Old Demographic With “Serial Pooper” Story
Yeah yeah, your mainstream (as in running sore) media is referring to the guy as a “serial pooper." (more…)
Dispatch: Imbeciles In Maine Brutally Attack Car With Out Of State Plates
These days you gotta find your fun where you can. A couple of imbeciles in Maine saw a car with Vermont plates (more…)
Dispatch: Huge Breakthrough For Women–Entertainment Company Hires Female GM
Everyone can agree, the one industry that has shut women out of the executive ranks is the entertainment industry. (more…)
Dispatch: Trainwreck Watching Is Becoming The Newest And Hottest Spectator Sport
Can there be anything more exciting than watching somebody try to beat a train to the tracks? No. In person there could not be (more…)
Dispatch: Local Mail Carrier Hailed As Hero By Area Residents In PA Town
It’s no shocker to us up here in Orbit, but they caught another mail carrier throwing away mail. The Feds raided the guy’s house (more…)
Dispatch: Back From Hiatus Grand Reopening Sales Extravaganza
Okay, we’re back from hiatus again. We thought it was going to be smooth sailing, but then (more…)
Dispatch: Fireworks In Eugene, U-Haul Truck Fire, You Can’t Make This Sh*T Up
A guy in Eugene threw some lighted fireworks at a woman he was having a dispute with (more…)
Dispatch: It Ain’t A Party Till Somebody’s Leg Gets Blown Off
A Georgia man and his pals packed a lawn mower full of an explosive called tannerite. It's impossible to know (more…)