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News & Opinion

New World Orbit Crew Settles GIF Pronunciation Debate With Ingenious Compromise

Orbit July 30, 2021 New World Orbit Crew Settles GIF Pronunciation Debate With Ingenious Compromise2021-08-10T23:07:03-07:00 News & Opinion
You’re aware of the divide. Some people pronounce the acronym “GIF” with a soft G, as in “gerbil” or “gelatinous,” (more…)
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News & Opinion

Abstract Left Decides It’s About Time The Hells Angels Join The 21st Century

Orbit July 18, 2021 Abstract Left Decides It’s About Time The Hells Angels Join The 21st Century2021-07-22T06:59:02-07:00 News & Opinion
Uh oh. Trouble's abrewin' down in Equality Town. We have it on good information, a certain influential SJW (more…)
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News & Opinion

“Life Saving Hacks For Your Car” By People Who Have Never Seen A Car

Orbit July 13, 2021 “Life Saving Hacks For Your Car” By People Who Have Never Seen A Car2021-07-30T12:28:27-07:00 News & Opinion
It doesn’t matter how we got there. We followed a clickbait link from a very low intellect “news” website, (more…)
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News & Opinion

Name Of The Next Huge One-Name Platinum Culture Hero Revealed!

Orbit July 7, 2021 Name Of The Next Huge One-Name Platinum Culture Hero Revealed!2021-07-21T15:34:28-07:00 News & Opinion
Of course you're used to one-name stars. Madonna, Drake, Bono, Common. Some of the people, it's a given name, (more…)
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News & Opinion

Nope, Nothin’ Wrong With This Guy, Seems Completely Normal, What’s The Problem?

Orbit June 6, 2021 Nope, Nothin’ Wrong With This Guy, Seems Completely Normal, What’s The Problem?2021-07-18T00:28:24-07:00 News & Opinion
This guy's photo was published by Fox 16 in some GOD forsaken place--holy shit, it was at the Arkansas Crater of Diamonds State Park. (more…)
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News & Opinion

Shocking: Naïve Asian Women Duped Into Sucking On Small Vibrating Appliances

Orbit May 26, 2021 Shocking: Naïve Asian Women Duped Into Sucking On Small Vibrating Appliances2021-07-30T12:32:20-07:00 News & Opinion
WAT??? That headline makes no fucking sense. And mind you, we wrote it. We don't know what the (more…)
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News & Opinion

Comedy Gold Narrowly Averted On Commercial Airline Flight

Orbit May 20, 2021 Comedy Gold Narrowly Averted On Commercial Airline Flight2021-06-03T11:17:34-07:00 News & Opinion
What's the stupidest thing you can think of to smuggle? Try to think of it from the perspective of a person of low intelligence, (more…)
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News & Opinion

Mr. Beast’s Public Oral Fixation Is Ruining The Internet (With Graphs)

Orbit May 9, 2021 Mr. Beast’s Public Oral Fixation Is Ruining The Internet (With Graphs)2021-05-17T18:54:59-07:00 News & Opinion
Who is Mr. Beast? We don't know and we don't want to know. All the energy we expend on this post will be focused on (more…)
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News & Opinion

We Are Forced By Covidstances To Provide Terrible Customer Support

Orbit April 16, 2021 We Are Forced By Covidstances To Provide Terrible Customer Support2021-05-22T18:36:28-07:00 News & Opinion
Any company, governmental, or institutional office you call these days you get the same rambling, self-serving (more…)
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News & Opinion

Breaking Planetary News: The Gutenberg Rolodex Has Been Found

Orbit March 20, 2021 Breaking Planetary News: The Gutenberg Rolodex Has Been Found2021-05-23T14:05:02-07:00 News & Opinion
It’s now been confirmed the actual all-original first edition copy of Gutenberg’s Rolodex has been discovered (more…)
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Recent Posts

  • Dispatch: Top Expert Says Eating Your Pets Might Not Be A Bad Thing
  • New World Orbit Crew Settles GIF Pronunciation Debate With Ingenious Compromise
  • Dispatch: Committee Of Frightened Hacks Chooses New Name For Cleveland Indians
  • Abstract Left Decides It’s About Time The Hells Angels Join The 21st Century
  • “Life Saving Hacks For Your Car” By People Who Have Never Seen A Car
  • Dispatch: Swarms Of Voracious Flying Insects To Attack Stupid Wembley Stadium Sports Event
  • Name Of The Next Huge One-Name Platinum Culture Hero Revealed!

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