Dispatches From Orbit logo.Maricopa County Arizona, where a struggle of biblical proportions between GOOD and EVIL continues on a daily basis. An anti-gang task force seized a modest amount of cocaine, cash,Drug haul on display. and weapons after some sort of investigation. We’re not reading the rest of the article. There’s got to be at least another hundred words, there, TL;DR. Obviously, it’s all going to be unnecessary details and unfounded speculation. Mainstream journalists don’t know what’s important. We know what’s important.

The most badass compact murder system ever devised.

AR-15 with Chainsaw bayonet.And here’s what’s important: Within the cache of weapons the cops grabbed was the most badass compact murder system ever devised. This is a chainsaw bayonet mounted on an AR-15. With this heretofore unknown weapon, you can be a Leatherface and Rambo combo-plate.

Check out the photo. This is an assault rifle with an electric chainsaw bayonet. 20 FUCKING VOLTS, Jim. Are you kidding me? If bursts of automatic gunfire* aren’t enough to terrorize the bastards, try shoving a running chainsaw at their fat mugs. You’re gonna wish you had the clean pants concession in that neighborhood.

The weapon works okay as is, a gas engine would just be icing on the cake.

The only improvement we have to offer is we wish it was a gas powered chainsawCalling out for help in confused circumstances. instead of electric. Let’s face it folks, if you’re working close up enough a chainsaw is going to do you any good, it’s only going to help if you’ve got a terrifying gas engine sound revving up to your encounter. The weapon works okay as is, a gas engine would just be icing on the cake.

When you finally go postal with this wigged-out baby, as you inevitably will, you’ll create a supernatural scene of horror right out of Texas Chainsaw Massacre meets First Blood. KILL KILL KILL.

All YOU need to do is practice your nastiest sneer for when you let loose of all that pent up rage.

Leatherface and Rambo combo-plate.Notice we didn’t use exclamation marks with KILL. We feel putting the word “kill” in all caps pretty much implies it’s an exclamation.

All YOU need to do is practice your nastiest sneer for when you let loose of all that pent up rage. Just go to the website linked in the Notes below to order your Kill-Saw Chainsaw AR-15 attachment.

Do NOT be the last one on your block to get one.

M. Nick

Notes and Acknowledgments:

*Yes, we know an AR-15 is not a fully automatic weapon. We have literary license but we don’t have to show it to you because all of us here in Orbit are sovereign citizens.

The Kill-Saw chainsaw. Oops, they’re out of stock. Ah well, put it on your Christmas list.