Dispatches From Orbit logo.Some sports team names are politically incorrect, if you haven’t noticed. So the Cleveland Indians baseball team has been under pressure to change the name. Up here in Orbit, we don’t give a shit what a team calls itself. We wouldn’t care if there was a team called itself the Boston Stranglers or the Dallas Lone Nuts. Because in most cases IT DOES NOT MATTER.

Indian dance.
Indian dance.

Guardians. ZZzz. Makes you think of security guards.

But of course some of the teams’ names are racist. Cleveland has finally changed their mascot name from the Indians, thank GOD. Now the name will be Guardians. ZZzz. Makes you think of security guards. Even that would have been better. The Cleveland Security Guards. Has a certain ring to it. Or maybe more precisely, a dull thud. But it is Cleveland, right?

No, that’s not the packaging for some Porno Brand Fireworks

Outgoing Cleveland Indians mascot.Another racist name for “Indians” is “redskins.” Look at the Indians team emblem. Is that fire engine red or blood red? No, that’s not the packaging for some Porno Brand Fireworks; that’s been on the Cleveland Indians hats and uniforms forever. I personally have always liked that image, but as a cartoon. It’s very well done, top notch cartooning. But it is absolutely “Lets us burn down some shit” racist.

Calling somebody a “redskin” is a reference to the person’s skin color. FUCK THAT. How about the Blackskins. Or the Whiteskins. Which would be awkward since, what is it, about 70% of the players would be POC. But how would you like that? Huh?

They’re retiring the most racist name in sports.Washington Redskins helmet detail.

The Washington Redskins are being dragged flailing and shrieking into the 21st century by just about everybody. They’ve decided: They’re retiring the most racist name in sports. Good riddance.

They used to call Native American people “savages.” And we think that would have been a fine name to change Indians to. The word “savage” isn’t racial. But it’s badass. Who do we play this weekend? OMFG it’s the Cleveland SAVAGES. Eeek.

Advertisement for New World Orbit.Ya did a good thing, Cleveland, but…

Instead you get the choice of some PR firm’s committee of frightened hacks. The new name had to be absolutely neutral, non-offensive, and decidedly safe. Well, ya did a good thing Cleveland; but the name “Guardians” is a foul-out.

M. Nick

Notes and Attributions:

The animated GIF we captioned Indian Dance was done in 2016 by SAATH MN and we found it on Giphy dot com.

Here’s a story from Cleveland.com, whatever the fuck that is.