Dispatch: Mother of the Year Candidate Escapes Child Endangerment Charges At Taco Bell
Now you might find this fascinating, especially if you’re already in a trance state, some dizzy broad in Schenectady or some other drab place, got a cigarette butt in her taco. Oh my, imagine that. How could such a thing happen?
This was not some hole-in-the-wall taco joint…
This was not some hole-in-the-wall taco joint, this was not some fly by night taco truck, this was fucking TACO BELL, an international powerhouse of commerce. That it was Taco Bell—usually a bastion of health, safety, and cleanliness—makes it all the more shocking.
This woman, for some reason, did not even go Full Karen.
You know, there are people who go through their entire lives hoping for a legit corporate atrocity, a finger in their chili, a mouse in their burger, some valid reason, any reason, to sue the shit out of a major corporation—and they never get it.
Not this woman. This woman, for some reason, didn’t even go Full Karen. She apparently wasn’t working an angle, at least not at the outset. She let them throw her evidence away, and she complained, but the cops didn’t have to drag her out of the place.
The thing all of us here in Orbit like about this woman is her philosophical approach, her probing analysis of events. According to the WKRG report she speculated maybe “somebody had it on their ear and maybe they were rolling a taco and it fell in there.”
Has this woman ever even SEEN a taco?
Rolling a taco? Yep. Has this woman ever even SEEN a taco? She’s no Alberta Einstein, but she has our nomination for Mother of the Year. The WKRG report tells us: “She had already fed some of the tacos to her infant daughter before she realized the cigarette was there.” What the FUCK? This woman is feeding a taco to a baby? A fucking Taco Bell taco? Did her pediatrician instruct her to induce diarrhea?
She’s now talking with the Taco Bell people, probably pushing for increased safety standards. Who knows? She may well star in a Taco Bell training film about not putting cigarettes in tacos.
And how could anybody disagree with that?
Notes and Acknowledgments:
WKRG Pensacola. Not Schenectady.