Dispatch From Orbit

The Pope sustained a head injury in the Popemobile.

Here’s a pretty whack headline for you: “Pope blasts climate change doubters: cites moral duty to act.”

Okay first of all, do we need to know what the Pope thinks about anything? That’s a legitimate question in any area, but scientific issues? What the fuck does the Pope think he knows about science? Isn’t his end of shit kind of — the opposite of science?

Now he said this today on the papal plane, today being 9-11. Wow, “papal plane?” I wonder how much carbon that trip put into the atmosphere. Yesterday, in Cartagena, the Pope injured his head in the Popemobile. He probably saw it coming. You know these people with the Ear of God work in mysterious ways, and he may have purposely opted to not avert the mishap to accept some sort of punishment.

“Pope Francis has sharply criticized climate change doubters, saying history will judge those who failed to take the necessary decisions to curb heat-trapping emissions blamed for the warming of the Earth.”

Look, the fucking Catholic Church has been the enemy of scientific advance for its entire existence. That church has always been on the side of the scientific establishment to the point of imprisoning, torturing, and even murdering anyone who dared to suggest a different reality.

is this Pope the ex-bouncer or bodyguard or something, or was it the one before?

Pope injured in Popemobile, blasts climate deniers from Popeplane
Pope sustains head injury in Popemobile, blasts climate change doubters from Popeplane.

How this daffy — wait, is this Pope the ex-bouncer or bodyguard or something, or was it the one before? I don’t know and unless you’re a Catholic, you probably don’t either. The Catholic Church is just like the British royal family to me; there’s a lot of money involved, a lot of politics, and it’s all meaningless. I pay no attention. I’m vaguely aware when they change popes (something to do with black smoke) and I was vaguely aware that UK princess was killed in a car crash. Conspiracy theories abound on that, and I suppose there are myriad conspiracies about the death of each Pope. I don’t know, I’m even less interested in Popes than the British royal family. Like, zero minus zero.

And as far as history judging anybody, we probably shouldn’t scrutinize the Catholic Church too closely, you know, what with the selling of alms, or The Inquisition, or the fact the church has had fixers on its payroll for decades, cardinals or bishops (I don’t know the difference) moving priests accused of pedophilia to different venues and away from criminal prosecution. Yeah, history will judge.

But back to this idea of the Pope “blasting” climate change doubters and asserting a “moral duty” they have: If they doubt climate change, seems to me they have absolutely NO duty concerning climate change, moral or otherwise. The hell with the Pope and the Catholic Church. They should mind their own fucking business, like improving the world by insisting followers NOT use birth control. Gee, you think maybe birth deniers might have anything to do with manmade climate change? Like adding billions of people to the planet wouldn’t heat things up a little?

My take on Popes is they’re humans elected by a bureaucracy of humans.

Alright, maybe these aren’t the questions we should be asking. Instead, maybe we should be asking why the Pope got whacked in the head well enough in Cartagena he looked like he lost a prizefight. This shouldn’t be taken as any sort of sign, certainly.

My take on Popes is they’re humans elected by a bureaucracy of humans. They’re almost undoubtedly not perfect. And because they’re human, they can have human reactions to things, like when you get bad news and kick the dog. Could the Pope have just been pissed off he hit his head and later lashed out at a politically convenient target like manmade climate change deniers?

Certainly getting whacked in the head wasn’t Divine retribution for something the Pope had done wrong. Popes, almost by definition, can’t do any. Nah, it was just a random accident caused because of congested traffic.

Like you might have in Columbia because it’s heavily Catholic, devout, and birth control is out of the question. So, you’d have lots of people and therefore, congestion. And lots of fender benders.

Yeah, I’d have to say it’s the Catholic Church to blame for the Pope’s head injury.

M. Nick