CA governor Newsom basking in media attention.We think the Governor of California has an extra dashing haircut. He’s got great suits. We think he looks like a journeyman TV actor in a show about lawyers with no ethics. So when Gavin Nuisance issued his list of demands to release California from the police state it’s now in, we could only approve. We thought, okay, we’re going to get some metrics we can monitor to see how close we’re coming. Or maybe not.

We caught the LA Times article on MSN. “Gov. Gavin Newsom names six goals that must be met to lift California coronavirus order.” Okay great, I thought. We’ll get a list. So I started looking down the article. I was looking for bullet-points, I was looking for 1.) 2.) 3.) and so on. But weirdly I wasn’t seeing any of that. I went through endless paragraphs of solid text, not even an indent. Many paragraphs. Enough paragraphs to make you woozy if you scrolled down too fast.

LA Times readers are probably a little slow on the uptake.

In fact a quick copy, paste, and word count yields 4500 words, including photo captions. Did you read that right? Was that really 4500 FUCKING WORDS for six fucking goals? Okay okay okay, LA Times readers are probably a little slow on the uptake. They probably need to have someone explain a lot of shit in order for them to understand anything. And we’re just going to guess they need the same things explained over and over because, well you know, they forget stuff. Especially complex stuff like the basics of a fucking PANDEMIC.

4500 words when 45 words would have covered the subject.Possible LA Times reader.

This here is cutting edge journalism, folks. 4500 words when 45 words would have covered the subject. Six goals, okay, let’s say 48 words, eight words per goal. Here, I’ll show you how to do it. Oh, except I CAN’T. They mushed them all into the fourth paragraph in narrative format, not a list, mind you, you got six items and you can’t arrange them into a list? What the fuck? But okay, we rearranged them into list form for you:

The 6 Key Indicators:
1.) the ability to closely monitor and track potential cases
2.) prevent infection of high-risk people
3.) prepare hospitals to handle surges
4.) develop therapeutics to meet demand
5.) ensure schools, businesses and child-care facilities can support social distancing
6.) develop guidelines for when to ask Californians to stay home again if necessary

Okay, those might be goals, but they certainly aren’t “indicators.” Of course we can’t blame the stupidity of calling this shit “indicators” on the politician. That’s the fault of the halfwit “journalist” who put this bag-o-shit article together.

You can’t even do that without a pandemic.

How you going to measure any of this shit? How about some metrics? Like when available hospital beds exceed 5000? 25,000? 50,000? “Prevent infection of high-risk people?” You’re going to wait to release people from lock-down until you can “prevent infection of high-risk people?” What the fuck is that supposed to mean? You can’t even do that without a pandemic.

Conception of what a social distancing cell might look like.Let’s just take one item from this list and think about it. You’re going to ensure schools, businesses, and child-care facilities can support social distancing, right? How you going to do that before you let everybody out of this lockdown? That might be an aspiration, but as a goal it’s pretty vague. What are you going to do, reconstruct all schools, businesses and child-care facilities so everybody is six feet away from everybody else?

Six feet away puts you six feet under, according to the hysteria.

And what about the air. If somebody 20 feet away sneezes, guess what? Tag you’re it. Six feet away puts you six feet under, according to the hysteria. You gotta do something with the air. The only logical solution is cells, yeah, like they have in prisons. Except there would have to be a honeycomb of HVAC shit. Each inmate, ah, guest, would breathe only his/her/their own air.

Once everything was reconstructed in this image, life would be a breeze. Recess time at CA schools.All the snowflakes would sit in their cells with TV, internet, and video games at all times. Three times a day a staff member in a hazmat suit would take each of the guests out for a walk in the sunshine and fresh air. Except the snowflake would be wearing a hazmat suit too.

The whole jumble of stuff was unrelated except it all had to do with the pandemic.

So these six items are neither quantifiable or quantifiable, really. Doesn’t matter–that really had little to do with the reason this piece was published. There wasn’t much elaboration or detail about the six points, it was actually a bag of disparate parts and pieces of mainstream media talking points. The whole jumble of stuff was unrelated except it all had to do with the pandemic.

Here’s what’s wrong with the picture: You don’t say here are six goals to re-opening the state and then present a list of unobtainable targets, do you? No. You can have aspirations, sure, but you don’t offer them up as defined goals. You’d have to be a fucking idiot to do that.

Oh, sorry. I forgot for a moment we’re talking about mainstream “journalism.” Of course you do that. It’s expected of you.

Good job!

M. Nick