Cryptic Homicide Investigation May Involve Scary Egyptian Monster
In the old days, a homicide was a big deal to a reporter. GREAT SHRIEKING DOGAHEADS they might have exclaimed, because that’s how reporters used to talk. They woulda been all over it like the proverbial cheap suit, tie askew, chain smokin’ Luckies. As long as, um, it was a dead white person. But let’s not make this racial. If it was a rich or famous non-white person, that would have made the news.
If nobody’s been identified, how can they say there’s no threat to the public?
But with this case, the whole situation smacks of cover-up. Here’s what the LameStream media came up with: Deputies, responding to a call, found a dead person on Turner Street at 5:00 AM. Hell of an hour. They’re investigating it as a homicide. “Authorities” said nobody has been arrested or identified, but there’s no threat to the public. Yeah, well if nobody’s even been identified, how can they say there’s no threat to the public? The Stupid is thick out there, folks.
I mean, look, a homicide means somebody murdered somebody else. Unless maybe the victim was bludgeoned to death with old age, anybody can repeat, rinse. So you can’t say there’s no threat of a repeat. Or maybe a string of repeats?
It may now just be starting a string of horrible murders.
In fact, an official speaking on condition of anonymity intimated that some sort of scary Egyptian monster may have been released into the world. It may now just be starting a string of horrible murders. While there are no facts to support such an assertion, unnamed sources have suggested there may be more truth to it than not. “I mean, like, anything can happen, right?” said a person close to the investigation.
Byron Coxworthy, also speaking on condition of anonymity, said: “You can’t quote me, I’m not here, I’ve never been here, and I’ve never spoken with you.” But New World Orbit has uncovered new information. An examination of google maps shows that Turner Street is only one block long and look what you get:
Many believe there are sinister connections between google and this homicidal Egyptian monster. In the area it is common practice to use Turner Street as a fake address. The authorities MUST REOPEN THE INVESTIGATION. Unless they do, we’re never going to know what, if anything, happened on Turner Street.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.
If you want a better look at that Street View so you can look around, travel, here’s a link.