3700 year old tablet proves Greeks didn't invent trigonometry.

Alright, the big scam the fucking Greeks have pulled off for a couple thousand years, that they invented trigonometry, has now been busted. The Babylonians had that shit worked out 1500 years before the Greeks.

This came to me by way of an article in the Telegraph online: “3,700-year-old Babylonian tablet rewrites the history of maths – and shows the ancient Greeks did not develop trigonometry.”

Photo: 3700 year old tablet proves lying Greeks did not invent trigonometry.

Okay, great, I was reading this article and I was just getting madder and madder at the fucking Greeks pulling this shit, tellin’ everybody they invented trigonometry. You know what else the fucking Greeks invented? Toga parties and the whole “Greek” system in colleges. Roving squads of drunken, braying assholes. You want your kid’s school to turn into Animal House? And what about that feta cheese? It’s goat fucking cheese, ugh. It’s like wet chalk. Who told them to make cheese outta goats’ milk? Goats are disgusting, you ever seen one? I mean, Of COURSE the Greeks didn’t invent trigonometry; why would anyone even think that…

Now it turns out the Babylonians were operating on Base 60, not this wan, whitebread fucking Base 10 we’re all wearing like an anchor. You know why? From the article: “Because 60 is far easier to divide by three, experts studying the tablet found that the calculations are far more accurate.” Well FUCK YEAH. Of course!!! DUH. FUCK PI you deviant assholes, it’s an approximation, an endless ratio uber nerds have competitions reciting the decimal places of. WTFIUWT? With Base 60 the answers are fucking real numbers, none of this wacky slide-rule dipshittery.

Holy shit, that makes all their calculations right up to today‘s a little off.

Uber nerd with slide-rule that doesn't work on Base 60.
Uber nerd with slide-rule that undoubtedly doesn’t work on Base 60.

I’m thinking your computations would be a lot more accurate if you’re using Base 60. LISTEN, every time you use pi you gotta make a decision how many decimal places you’re going to use. That’s sloppy fucking thinking. Matter of fact, I’m not going to look this up but I suspect all the ancient Greeks, who we now see as pathetic sniveling losers, came up with was Base 10. Yeah, that’s the ticket, you fucking deviants, let’s make ALL of our calculations subject to human decisions right down to what’s the fucking circumference of this here circle. Holy shit, that makes all their calculations right up to today‘s a little off. Oh, not so much you couldn’t make a washing machine work, for instance, but when you think about it, MAYBE THIS IS WHY EVERYTHING IS SO FUCKED UP!?!?!

Let’s go pure math here, don’t worry about the electronics involved; computing without hardware problems is just math. So all your math is off a little. Think about it. I open a Firefox “private viewing” browser to search for something because I don’t want ads for whatever I searched showing up everywhere. It should come up the same every time, right? If your math was right.

That’s why programs crash, cars break down, and bridges collapse into the water.

Why is it that nine times out of ten when I go to private viewing, the cursor is blinking in the address field, ready to type, but ONE TIME out of ten it isn’t and I have to click to be able to type in that field? Why the fuck does that happen? Because GREEKS, that’s why. Because they foisted Base 10 on us, that’s why. That’s why programs crash, cars break down, and bridges collapse into the water. It’s why rockets explode shortly after launch. Because nothing is strictly accurate. There will always be random glitches because IT’S A MATHEMATICAL CERTAINTY THERE WILL BE.

Anyway, I was reading this article and I was already calling bullshit on the Babylonians. I’m thinking, nah, the Babylonians didn’t invent trigonometry, they weren’t even capable. What’s the greatest achievement of the Babylonians, huh? The Tower of Babel, right, and we ALL know how that turned out. No, I’m thinking the invention of trigonometry was probably due to the Sumerians. The Sumerians were the badasses back then. They invented plumbing, for fuck’s sake, they invented TOILETS. Yeah, you want somebody to invent trigonometry, you get yourself some Sumerians.

And then DAY-UM, right there in the article they say: “The tablet, which is thought to have come from the ancient Sumerian city of Larsa, has been dated to between 1822 and 1762 BC.” Oh kay, Sumerian city, Sumerian invention. Fuck you, Babylon, it was Sumerians.

I only know vaguely how anything works.

Now, anyone reading this should be able to determine I am neither a math guy, nor a history guy. I’m certainly not a philosophy guy. I only know vaguely how anything works. But even I can see how this all fits together.

I’m going to start a campaign to start teaching and operating on Base 60. It wouldn’t be the first time somebody with no knowledge of science, history, or, in fact, education has dictated educational programs. I mean, why the fuck not? What do we have to lose? It doesn’t work out, it doesn’t improve anything, then forget about it. Simple. Car engines quit working, ships sink, lesson learned, okay? Go back to Base 10 with your tail between your legs. I’m thinking the Greeks will accept you back into the fold.

Or, you could get yourself a Sumerian.

M. Nick