“Life Saving Hacks For Your Car” By People Who Have Never Seen A Car
It doesn’t matter how we got there. We followed a clickbait link from a very low intellect “news” website, a TV station someplace where the Zip Code is five zeros. The headline was: ”Always Put A Bag On Your Car Mirror When Traveling Alone, Here’s Why.”
So right away we’re predisposed to dislike this shit.
Once you click, you find the real title of the slide show, or listicle if you will, is “Life Saving Hacks For Your Car You Need To Start Doing Today.” If you’re anything like us, and you aren’t because we happen to be human, we don’t like anybody telling us what we “need to start doing.” So right away we’re predisposed to dislike this shit.
One of the first “hacks” is to use a staple remover to change keys on a key ring. This is high IQ stuff. Another genius hack was to use laundry baskets to organize your car’s trunk. Wow. Positively Einsteinian. Dryer sheets as air freshener? Stop it. This is blowing my mind.
Hang bags of crap from your headrest with carabiners.
Oh wait, we can’t fail to mention this one. Use a muffin pan as a drink holder. I can’t believe I didn’t think of this myself it’s so innovative. Or this one, which might possibly have come from an advanced extragalactic civilization: Hang bags of crap from your headrest with carabiners. Having that shit slam you in the lower back in stop and go traffic is probably somehow scientifically therapeutic.
This is SweatShop Literature. Boiler room copywriting.
People, they’ve got fucking monkeys with typewriters cranking out this drivel. If they’re getting paid at all, it’s undoubtedly a tiny fraction of a cent per word. This is SweatShop Literature. Boiler room copywriting. But we were intrigued. Why would you put a bag on a car mirror? Which mirror? Why?
Look at the photo in the intro to this cavalcade of stupid. It’s a sandwich bag on a car mirror. So the mirror doesn’t ice up? But what could that have to do with you traveling alone? It’s a real mystery.
Unfortunately, it’s a mystery that will never be solved because through 30 fucking “hacks,” the bag was never again mentioned.
That’s why links to crapfactories like Megazinos are called clickbait.
Notes and Attributions:
You want to see this horseshit for yourself: “Life Saving Hacks For Your Car You Need To Start Doing Today.”