Everything seemed to be going just fine and then the shit hit the fan. First, there was the explosion. Building Toogood may have exploded.A witness complained there were shards of glass flying everywhere. Then ya got James Toogood rolling around on the ground trying to put out his flaming shirt. Then some woman jumps outta the place from an upper floor onto a trampoline. Wham, you got your instant comedy gold here. Nothing ever happens in my neighborhood.

I mean look at his photo. Does the word “innocent” come to mind?

Toogood may have blown up flats.This is from a BBC report. We’re not censoring this guy’s name, face, or location. For one thing, nothing about this shit is going to come back on this guy because Toogood is just too good. It’s an obvious fact. I mean look at his photo. Does the word “innocent” come to mind? He’s positively adorable! Ain’t no shit gonna to stick to this guy. And the other thing–he’s all the way in England someplace. This guy doesn’t care what we do.

Toogood, 36, was cooking cannabis oil and fucked up big time. Damage to the building was reported to be £260,000. That’s about $335,000 in real money. The BBC report said he had 14 butane canisters in the building. How many of those exploded wasn’t reported.

Oh, you’re probably wondering what happened to the woman who jumped from the upper floor onto a trampoline, aren’t you? Well, she’ll just have to hang in midair until we get to that part. Trampolines can be dangerous. Watch the 47 second video to the end. [VOLUME WARNING.] This is the kind of thing that can happen. Punchline: “No, I’m not alright.”

He also thinks he’s therefore not responsible for the damage to the building, apparently.

Toogood is on trial over this stuff. I don’t know when the actual explosion was, months ago undoubtedly. He already admitted he was making cannabis oil but he claims he wasn’t doing so at the time of the blast. He also thinks he’s therefore not responsible for the damage to the building, apparently. That may very well turn out to be an uphill struggle.

But ah yes, the woman. The BBC didn’t report what the relationship was between Toogood and the woman. They were both residents of the building, whether they lived together or not we don’t know. We do know we’re not reporting her name and we have no photo of her, but we’d censor it if we did.

So what happened to the woman?

So what happened to the woman? We don’t know because the fucking BBC didn’t tell us. Can you believe that? They dutifully report she jumped out of an upper floor of a FLAMING building onto a fucking TRAMPOLINE, but they NEGLECT to report what happened after she HIT that trampoline? Did she come down into a swimming pool at a garden party drenching the fancy guests? Did she bounce off the awning of an adjacent building and fall into a dumpster full of expired cream pies? Or did she smash down in the street and get hammered by a bus?

We don’t know. What we do know is we’d like to find whomever is responsible for that shit BBC story, grab them by the throat and shake some information out of ’em. We would never actually do that, of course, and we don’t suggest anybody else should either. But aren’t you curious if the woman is alive, dead, maimed, or what?

All we can tell you is no injuries were reported by the BBC, and no mention was made whether the woman was charged or not. Ho hum, we’ll never know. And we’ll never find out what happens with Toogood because we’re not going to bother finding out. Who cares?

The only ray of sunshine in this story is the fact it wasn’t a meth lab. Cannabis oil is comparatively benign.

And the guy’s name, of course. James Toogood. We really didn’t have a choice.

M. Nick