Muncie Man Machete AttackAlright, on the surface you’d think this was a pretty simple thing and if that’s what you think, you’re wrong. You were supposed to learn how to get along with others in grade school. You’re taught to share toys, wait in line, and to forego vicious practical jokes. Apparently there’s at least one guy in Muncie Indiana who didn’t pick up on this shit. That’s NOT him in the animation, by the way, but that is a healthy example of a machete.

The Star Press online has a story about a Muncie man who got into an altercation on the street with some random guy. The Muncie man spat on the “roadway” and the random citizen, or the victim if you will, gave him some shit about it. The Muncie man came unglued and went after the random dude with a machete.

Wow, things went to shit fast, apparently.WikiHow: How To Get Along--Listen

Now the Muncie man has been charged with intimidation, criminal recklessness with a deadly weapon, and possession of paraphernalia. Wow, things went to shit fast, apparently. It’s too bad there wasn’t some way to have avoided this pass. But wait—maybe there was…

I don’t know about you, but any time any of us up here in Orbit have to figure something out we go straight to WikiHow. You can learn anything you could possibly want to know on WikiHow. And right away we found a sensational article on WikiHow called: “How To Get Along With Others Well. (With Pictures)” What a find!

On WikiHow, they don’t screw around. They immediately give you a list of guidelines, seven things you can do to get along with others.

Muncie Man Apprehended Near Muncie Inn With Machete.Especially when the Muncie man started waving a machete around…

The key suggestion on the list was number 3: “Keep your sense of humor.” We’re fairly confident it was this point in time when everything started to go wrong in this Muncie street incident. We’re betting neither of these guys had any sense of humor to begin with, but once they engaged, it became a veritable laugh riot. For bystanders, anyway. Especially when the Muncie man started waving a machete around “yelling racial slurs,” and “making verbal threats.”

The Star Press did not report there were any injuries, but of course considering the state of journalism todayMuncie_Man_Apprehended Muncie Inn., that doesn’t mean anything. The incident happened in the 400 block of E. Gilbert. The Muncie man was taken into custody later the same day at or around the Muncie Inn at 414 N. Madison. Check out the photos if you’re going to be in Muncie and need a place to stay. Especially if you’re a drug dealer.

“State outright you want to get along.”

WikiHow: Keep Your Sense Of Humor.This altercation would never have happened if these guys had heeded item number 4 on the WikiHow guidelines, “State outright you want to get along.” Up here in Orbit we like to start out every conversation with “Look, I don’t want any trouble, but …” Although the “news story” didn’t report on this directly, we got the impression neither of these guys professed a desire to get along with anybody.

Okay. Obviously these guys got off on the wrong foot. Even given that, this incident didn’t have to happen if either of the guys, not even both (just one would have been enough) had adhered to the WikiHow guideline number 5: “Radiate positivity.” Even if, as things skidded out of control, one of these people had radiated positivity, things wouldn’t have had to go so far downhill.

Now, we’re not exactly clear on just how one goes about radiating positivity. Our spell check doesn’t even recognize “positivity” as a word. We googled it, and apparently it means whatever you want it to mean. None of it made any sense to us. In other words, we suspect radiating positivity is bullshit psychobabble.

But we have to admit, if either of them had radiated it, this whole situation might have turned out very differently. All of us up here in Orbit have now pledged to do what we can to radiate positivity at all times.

We love WikiHow.

M. Nick