Covidstances dinner table scene.

Any company, governmental, or institutional office you call these days you get the same rambling, self-serving “under the Covidstances” outgoing message. They’re all understaffed, overworked, and their systems are currently still jury-rigged with people working from home. And it’s always in the interests of everybody’s health and safety. Uh-huh.

They like not having to deal with humans.

So this is where we are? You’re telling me after a fucking year American companies haven’t figured out how to make this work? Gimmie my government shot.Nah. I’m not buying it. They don’t want to make it work. They like not having to deal with humans. Humans are a pain in the ass.

Well yeah, they want you to buy their shit, sure, they just don’t want to have to bother with you. Anything that costs the company money is bad. Having to provide customer support, then, is bad. They want you to pay them money and then go away happy. But in any case, just go away.

They WANT you to hang up, to figure it out yourself.

Mattress falls on apparently depressed man.You have to call a company, after you’re through the Covidstanes announcement, you go on hold. The phone menu and hold experience are designed to drive you away, or at least think twice before you ever call again. The hold music is repetitive and annoying. They WANT you to hang up, to figure it out yourself. The same shitty eight bars repeated ad infinitum, with voice announcements like “Did you know you can find answers to many of your questions by going to our website at…

But that’s not going to happen because nobody wants it to.

Yeah, so I’m not buying it. If a country can fake moon landings well enough to fool the general population, for generations, it could also figure out how to smoothly adapt to the Covidstances. But that’s not going to happen because nobody wants it to. Well, the entities that have a say in anything, anyway.

But remember folks: Buy American!

M. Nick

Notes and Attributions:

Mattress falls on guy was chopped from “Mattress in Background Falls on Guy As He Leans Forward,” by RM Videos. RM’s got a lot of excellent short vids.

The dog in the hoodie eating with human hands is by ASAMD. This guy only has a few things on YouTube. More, more!