This is how I’ve become. If I were in some public place, yeah, let’s say the mask thing is over, or never happened or something.Stranger in Public Place. This is hypothetical, but pretend it could actually happen in real life: Somebody walks up to me in a public place, like a supermarket or an airport, and says–and mind you, this is somebody I’ve never seen or talked to before, a stranger–this person says to me: “Hey. Is my ear bleeding?”

Lemme ask ya, are there any penalties for wrong answers?

What the fuck, do I look like a doctor? Am I wearing a white coat with a stethoscope around my neck? You’re puttin’ me on the spot, here. Lemme ask ya, are there any penalties for wrong answers? Because up until a moment ago I didn’t know I was in a fucking SPELLING Bee.

There are pretty much just three answers to the question, “Is my ear bleeding?” “Yes,” “no,” and “I don’t know.” But that’s beside the point. Right away you have to be alarmed because some random human is talking at you. Why the FUCK is anybody talking at you? My default attitude is, don’t fucking bother me. I don’t care who you are or what you look like.

Uniformed Incognito Police.If you’re wearing ANY kind of uniform I do not trust you or anything you say.

Except, a lot has to do with what you look like. Firstly: If you’re wearing ANY kind of uniform I do not trust you or anything you say. Uniformed groups include: cops, firemen, fast food, medical personnel, cowboys, hipsters, fashion clones, and of course assholes with the Raiders fetish. All these people are defining themselves and the hive-mind agenda possessing them.

Secondly: If you’re Gwyneth Paltrow and you have a fruity, delicious smelling vagina, I might cut you some slack.

See any blood? No? Good chance your ear is not bleeding.

Back to the question “Is my ear bleeding?” Here, I got a suggestion, rub the palm of your hand around on your earPaltrow and some guy, we don't know what. and then look at your hand. See any blood? No? Good chance your ear is not bleeding. But before you do that, check your hand and make sure it’s not bleeding.

You have to wonder what the fuck is wrong with a person asks a question like that. I’m not your mom. Find a restroom, asshole, look in the mirror. Find the first aid office, walk in, see if people jump up clutching their Pandora necklaces.

Probably got ahold of some bad acid.

Obviously, the person is hallucinating. Probably got ahold of some bad acid. Or bath salts maybe. I would just instinctively back away from a stranger saying anything about blood. You don’t know, one minute he wants to know if his ear is bleeding and the next he’s tryin’ to eat your face.

And that just wouldn’t be right, now would it?

M. Nick